think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
