I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
