Who wears a wallet chain?!
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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