dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
