Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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