ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
