im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
