Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
