so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
