So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
