You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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