yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
