I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
