last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
