He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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