she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
