Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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