the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
