Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
