i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
