The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
