is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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