so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
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