I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
