I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
