just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
