If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
