I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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