My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
