watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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