david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
well you can't waste a boner
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
