Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
