Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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