she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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