I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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