At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
