There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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