Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
