Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
