Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
