Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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