I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
