Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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