im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Just cropdusted the office
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
