I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
