And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
