she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
