Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
