4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
