I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
