I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
