i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
