Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
