"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
